


Gravity

by NegativeBlue



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, and a little smut in part 2, time-frame after season 2 finale, warnings for generally way much drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-07
Updated: 2013-06-11
Packaged: 2017-12-14 06:39:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/833874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NegativeBlue/pseuds/NegativeBlue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time it happens; well, she doesn't remember much about the first time it happens. But then it kept happening. Like something she had no control over kept pulling her in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a 3-parter based off a prompt someone gave me on tumblr. I normally don't take prompts but this sparked an idea I just couldn't let go. If it's been done before though...my apologies.

 

* * *

 

 

 

The first time it happens; well, she doesn’t remember much about the first time it happens.

 

There’s this hazy feeling when she wakes up, squinting against the sunlight that filters in through the blinders that cover the window. Her tongue is stuck to her palate and her throat feels like it got rubbed with sandpaper. That and her head hurts. A lot. Like, an entire drumband was having a party in her head, trashing the hotel room and throwing up, a lot.

 

Oh...and this wasn’t her bedroom.

 

And there was someone lying next to her. Or rather half on top of her. Emma closes her eyes briefly. Fuck her life, she shouldn’t have drank that much the day before. Should’ve seen this coming a mile away. It had to be Neal of course, because hell, who else could it be and it made sense in the grander scale of things.

 

Only..yeah.. Okay, when she moves her hand, that’s mostly asleep because of the weight of the body pressing it into the bedding; that’s definitely not a part of male anatomy she was touching. It felt a whole lot like..well, a breast. One she was currently semi-fondling because of her awkward position. Her cheeks flush hotly as she slowly tries to extricate the treacherous hand without waking up the person next to her.

 

She holds her breath when the figure stirs beneath the covers and they slowly slide down to reveal strands of tousled brown hair, Emma’s pretty sure her heart skips a beat or two.

 

She couldn’t have possibly..yeah she did, didn’t she? Out of all the people in this town, how the actual fuck had she ended up in bed with the Evil Queen? That had to be a cosmic joke of epic proportions. Or you know..way too much booze in a single evening. Though to be fair there had been a few times, when she’d been alone in her bedroom, in the clinging darkness and horny beyond the telling of it, that she might’ve just entertained a fantasy or two involving Regina. And a pair of handcuffs. Or two.

 

Slowly she swings her legs over the edge of the bed. Her eyes scan the dimly lit room, in search of whatever articles of clothing strewn haphazardly across the room could belong to her. The moment she stands upright, the world spins in front of her eyes and she quickly puts down a hand on the headboard to steady herself. There’s a small creaky noise when she does so and Emma cringes at how loudly it reverberates throughout the otherwise quiet room. Her eyes widen and quickly flash towards the general direction of the sleeping form. One of Regina’s hands curls around the sheets near her head and tugs it up, but otherwise she doesn’t move and Emma blows out the breath she’d been withholding.

 

She looks...adorable like this, Emma thinks with some dismay. There’s this mental image of Regina snarling at being described like that and Emma shrinks a little with the thought. God she needed to get out of here before Her Majesty woke up.

 

Normally she wouldn’t be the one doing the walk of shame. But then again, normally she didn’t fall asleep in other people’s beds. And she had a feeling that Regina wouldn’t take too kindly to being kicked out of her own bed and house. It does come as a surprise to her that the woman had allowed her to stay over at all.

 

They must’ve been really, really, plastered last night.

 

She miraculously finds her panties, underneath the bed of all places and her socks are tossed somewhere against the far wall.

 

While looking for her jeans and shirt, Emma wracks her brain trying to remember what the hell had happened last night. She can vaguely recall that she had stumbled into something, she thinks it might’ve been a lamppost but it could’ve been a fire hydrant just as well. She also remembers that Regina had scolded her for being so careless, before she had walked straight into the same object a second or two later.

 

Wait...had Regina set someone on fire? Her mind keeps supplying the images of Regina throwing around fireballs while slurring together insults.

 

And then the puzzle-pieces slowly slide together.

 

The welcome-back party at Granny’s. Regina had been automatically invited this time around, especially after the whole ordeal at Neverland. She had actually saved Mary Margaret and David’s lives from a Troll attack in that fun place. Not too long after they had freed Henry and stumbled upon Neal too.

 

It all seemed so long ago already while in reality it had been just weeks instead. Thankfully they found a leftover bean that had taken them back to Storybrooke.

  
Which was where the welcome-back party came in. Most people had actually been civil towards Regina, especially after hearing how she had come through in Neverland. Of course that freaking Leroy, after consuming a few too many beers, had managed to destroy all of that with a flip of the coin.

 

Emma doesn’t remember too much of what was said, but it hadn’t been pretty. And Regina had set his hat on fire. Actually, his beard too..come to think of it. There had also been someone screaming like a little girl. She’s fairly sure the sound originated from Leroy while he ran around the place like a headless chicken...well a headless chicken with his beard on fire, before Granny doused him with a bucket of ice-water.

 

Her parents had intervened and Emma had volunteered to walk the former Queen home. Which is the point where everything becomes a muddled mess.

 

And the worst part is...she can’t even remember the sex. Because from the feeling between her legs, there had definitely been sex. And from the smell of the room, well, there had been a lot of sex. Drunken sloppy sex maybe, but sex nevertheless. Sex she can’t freaking remember, damnit.

 

She spies the missing jeans hiding behind a chair and quickly yanks them on. Her shirt was thankfully right next to it. Which only left her shoes. Though she already has a suspicion where those might be. Drunk or not, she’s pretty sure Regina had insisted that the shoes stay downstairs.

 

It’s only when her hand touches the door handle that she feels reality crashing back down on her. She slept with Regina Mills. And she was going to try her damned best to pretend it never happened. With some luck, the former Queen had just as many holes in her memories as Emma and she wouldn’t have a clue with whom she had shared her bed with.

 

Her eyes catch the dark eyelashes fluttering slightly against the pillow and there’s a wistful look on Emma’s face. It’s strange, how torn she is between wishing she could remember every detail of it and at the same time wants to forget it ever happened.

 

Sighing, she closes her eyes for a second and slinks through the door while pulling her shirt on in a decidedly inelegant tangle of limbs, hopping across the foyer.

 

Her shoes were downstairs as expected and she quickly shuffles into them and slowly, carefully paces to the frontdoor. It catches a little when she opens it and she bites her cheek, tilting her head up and holding her breath. But nothing happens, so she quickly moves through that door too and closes it behind her with a little quiet snick.

 

Her heart’s pounding a mile a minute as she finally stands outside and barks out a laugh. Because honestly...of all the fucked up things, in this fucked up town, this had to take the freaking cake.

 

And then she comes to a sudden halt. Stands stock-still, one foot hovering in the air, eyes huge as saucers. She thinks if anyone had passed by, what a comical sight she would’ve made like this, stuck mid-movement as her face contorts into an expression of utter horror.

 

Her bra.

 

Her bra. She forgot her fucking bra. She turns around and looks at the locked door in front of her, with a sinking feeling in her stomach.

 

“Oh...fuck...me.”

 

* * *

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't kill me. (since there is a part 3, and I'm holding it hostage currently)

  
  


* * *

 

 

 

 

The first time it happened, well, she actually does remember a little of the first time it happened. It became a bit clearer when it happened a second time...and a third.

 

And a...

 

Emma slings her hand across her eyes, as if blocking out the sight in front of her could make it all go away. Of course it didn’t work that way.

 

She can distinctly remember when she had hauled ass on the latest occasion, minus panties, because they had gone missing somewhere in the fray; that she vowed that this time it really would never ever happen again. So why the hell was she once again in bed with the Evil Queen. Who, sidebar, was sorta snoring lightly behind her with one arm slung across Emma’s chest-area possessively, just below her breasts. She can’t even begin to think of how the hell she’s going to be able to maneuver herself out of the precarious situation she managed to land herself in, this time around.

 

A part of her doesn’t even know if she wants to leave. Especially considering the fact they were both very naked and only inches apart in the same bed. Something she used to fantasize about. Only then, things hadn’t been as complicated as they were now. God, she wants to stay, wants to actually watch Regina wake up next to her for once and yet she knows she can’t. And Emma sighs, once and deeply, before she slowly moves the arm away from her chest and repeats the by now very familiar ritual of collecting her clothes scattered across the floor.

 

Minus the bra.

 

She once again can’t find it. Not even when she checks the walls and the fan on the ceiling, because it had to be somewhere right? But look as she might, it doesn’t appear and her jaw sets as she turns around to suspiciously eye the woman still snoring away. Even though the stealing of undies seems beneath of one former Evil Queen, it is becoming too much of a common occurrence that one of her articles of clothing goes mysteriously missing every time she spends the night over here.

 

Emma doesn’t even know why she is bothering and puffs her cheeks as she pulls the shirt over her head. Regina already knew who kept ending up in her bed. In fact, this latest tumble between the sheets had occurred while they were both hardly even tipsy. Certainly not drunk enough to warrant any excuses for either of them that this only kept happening because they drank too much.

 

Which to Emma meant that there was another reason entirely. One that was buzzing around her head as if a bee had somehow made its residence in there. She couldn’t shake the rising panic no matter how much she tried. Even now, the very walls were closing in her and she redoubles her efforts to put on the rest of her clothes and get out of the house as quickly as possible.

 

In doing so, she makes a fatal error while yanking on the jeans that got stuck on something near the bedside table. Whatever it was, makes a loud clanking noise as it falls down on the floor and Emma freezes on her tracks, heart shooting up in her throat.

 

She spots the telltale signs of Regina waking up, groaning slightly and half-tangled in the sheets and that makes her panic go into overdrive. Propping the remainder of clothes into a bundle she flees quickly through the bedroom-door without as much as a single glance backwards.

 

Though she doesn’t get far.

 

She had only made it halfway to the stairs when something stops her. Something cold and ungiving tangles around her limbs and pulls her sideways and backwards. The ball of clothes falls from her hands as they get pulled against the nearest wall and she kicks her feet around futilely until they too are pinned down also, leaving no more room for her to move.

 

It takes her a second or two to figure out what the hell was going on. That it was the actual wall itself that was keeping her imprisoned.

 

“What the...hell. Regina?” She let out a string of expletives as she tries to gain leverage somewhere to get loose, though all to no avail.

 

“Going somewhere dear?”

 

Emma’s eyes almost roll out of their sockets as she watches Regina slowly sashaying her way towards her. She gulps when she takes notice of the bare feet, the long legs leading up to thighs just barely covered by an oversized shirt she’d donned. Her hair is mussed and a memory of running her hands through that same crop of silky brown hair flickers through Emma’s brain. Or what remained of it after the brief once-over she gave the woman now standing right in front of her, hands on her sides and an unimpressed look on her face.

 

“Did you at least leave behind another souvenir of yours?”

 

“A..uhm..what?” Emma’s gaze was still stuck somewhere on the clearly visible outline of the breasts beneath the shirt Regina wore. She shakes her head a little to clear it and vows to keep her line of sight on Regina’s face from now on. “Souvenir?”

 

“The bra and panties?” Regina gives her a bemused look.

 

“That..I.uh, I didn’t leave them behind on purpose,” Emma mutters out annoyed. She’s still stuck to the freaking wall after all. “Would you mind undoing whatever the hell it is that’s keeping me superglued to the wall?”

 

“And pray tell me why would I do that? So that you could run off again without saying another word, hm?”

 

“I wasn’t going to..” Emma protests, eyes skittering everywhere except but at the piercing dark eyes currently centered on her own.

 

“Oh weren’t you now?” Regina tuts as she trails a single slender finger across one of Emma’s cheeks and down towards the slope of her neck. “Because I distinctly recall that not a moment ago you were running through the hallway, arms full of your clothing, with no intention of talking to me after waking me up. Just like the last three times you ended up in my bedroom. Tell me dear, am I wrong?”

 

“Regina,” Emma warns, a furious undertone lacing her voice. “Let. Me. Go.”

 

“Not before we talk.”

 

“There’s nothing to...look what the hell do you even want me to say? We were drunk, we slept together, it happened, I’m over it, can we please move on? Just let me go, alright?!”

 

“Fine,” Regina concedes, making a small circular motion with her wrist.

 

Emma feels the constraints holding her imprisoned vanish in an instant and she breathes in relief as she sags to the floor. “Thanks,” she says, without looking up at the former Queen now hovering slightly over her.

 

She’s about to scurry over to make a grab for her clothes when a hand on her arm stops her, turning her to face Regina. There’s this look in Regina’s eyes, something...fragile, something that looked a lot like it could break the moment she would made the wrong move, said the wrong word and Emma swallows convulsively.

 

“You weren’t this time, we weren’t this time,” Regina says softly, her eyes flickering from Emma’s own to her lips and back again as if she was remembering things. Her tongue flicks out to wet her lips and all Emma can do is stare at it, her mind going blank and her body heating up.

 

“Regina?” She doesn’t even recognize the croaking that is her voice as she tries to ask the question. Tries to ask what the hell the woman was insinuating exactly.

 

“Drunk. Neither of us were. I was consciously aware of everything I was doing Emma and so were you.”

 

“So what if it also happened once when weren’t very drunk, that doesn’t..” Emma clears her throat and holds the one item of clothing; her jeans, which she managed to grab a hold of, to her chest protectively. “It doesn’t prove or mean anything. Now can we please..”

 

“Just like it won’t mean anything the next time this happens?” Regina interrupts her, voice honey-sweet.

 

Emma’s nostrils flare up angrily with the mention of ending back up in bed together. Because deep down, very deep down, she knew Regina was right. And that scared her. A lot. It completely contradicted what she just said too. That it didn’t mean anything, when it so obviously did. So obviously..that it was painful to even consider the notion. She couldn’t, just couldn’t. It would royally screw up everything, even more so than she was already screwing things up as it stood.

 

So she lies. “It will not happen again.” She lies to herself, she lies to Regina. She lies because maybe if she could pretend that it wouldn’t happen, badly enough, then maybe, just maybe it really wouldn’t happen again.

 

"You know what I'm thinking dear? That you are a terrible liar. That you are saying things you don't even believe yourself.”

 

Emma clenches her hands to fists around the jeans as her eyes shoot fire. “That’s not..”

 

But Regina continues on, “that it doesn't mean anything, that it won't happen again.”

 

“Shut up,” Emma hisses as she steps right into Regina’s personal space, face inches away from her own, the jeans dropping to the floor forgotten. “Just shut up.”

 

“Tell me, when you get home and lay yourself down for the night and find yourself unable to fall asleep. What will you be thinking then as you grasp for any restfulness you can. Tell me what memories will you recall when you touch..”

 

And Emma doesn’t even know what she is doing anymore. Doesn’t even try to think about what she is doing anymore. She lunges for the pair of lips that just won’t shut up, that won’t stop spewing the words that echo around in her thoughts. That spark the memories about the woman she is kissing currently, writhing in the sheets with desire-drugged eyes boring into her own, the strangled cries that escaped her lips when she went over the edge.

 

She can’t think, she can only feel. Feel as her name is sighed against her lips before she licks her way into Regina’s open mouth. Her hands tug the shirt she’s fisting upwards, their lips briefly separating, as it flies somewhere across the hallway.

 

For a moment, they both stop, heavily panting into the mere inch of space that is currently between them. It’s something in Regina’s eyes that makes Emma slide a hand towards Regina’s neck and re-engage their lips. She doesn’t try to decipher it, just goes with it, their tongues sliding against each other slowly as the kisses grow deeper. It’s almost desperate, the way Emma pours herself into everything, moves a hand across the planes of Regina’s stomach, circles around a breast. Everything, is all so desperate, even the kisses taste of desperation. Of something she swore so much she’d never allow to happen again and yet she fell back into it anyway.

 

They stumble towards the bedroom somehow, briefly end up against one of the walls. And Emma’s lips slide downwards, detours towards a slender throat, nips at the exposed skin there, revelling in the moans and sighs that she knows Regina is trying to tamp down on, but never quite succeeds.

 

“Em-ma.”

 

The broken way with which her name is uttered makes her smile, makes her flick her tongue briefly, teasingly, along a pair of kiss-swollen lips, before she plunges it back inside again. And Regina’s gasping, hands clutching desperately into her hair, pulling her closer and closer still, until they are practically fused together.

 

It’s Regina that manages to steer them towards the bed eventually. Pushing backwards onto the still rumpled sheets, before she slowly lies herself down on top of her. Their bodies flush against other. Emma remembers this too, from before, though their roles were reversed then. She remembers the slick heat around her fingers, the contorted expression on Regina’s features as her stomach muscles rippled furiously, before her back arched into a perfect bow as she came with a muffled sob.

 

And she remembers the way Regina looked at her too. All fire and passion and something Emma didn’t want to face. Doesn’t want to face now, as she sees the same expression pass across Regina’s features. Like she is something to be cherished, to be worshipped, to be..loved.

  
She clasps Regina’s chin in one her of hands and slides their lips back together. Because as long as she does this, there are no consequences, there is no outside world. There is just the two of them and their sweat-slicked bodies moving together slowly, already setting a rhythm even with the scraps of clothing that still separate them.

 

The scraps that Emma somehow manages to rid them both of a little later, as her mouth circles around a pebbled nipple. She can feel one of Regina’s hands clawing at her shoulder, anchoring herself, even as the other fists around the sheets. She’s gasping, mewling, the sounds increasing in volume as Emma slides one of her fingers downwards. Into the pooled wetness that’s already residing there.

 

There’s this, only this that matters. Only Regina, moaning her name as she strains above her, eyes dilated as they briefly flutter shut every time Emma’s finger slips deeply inside. She adds another one and curls them briefly and she clenches deep inside, hearing the stuttering breaths that Regina is trying to gulp in as she pulls herself more upright; practically riding Emma’s fingers as she does so. And Emma just watches, watches breathlessly, heart hammering away in her chest as her thumb occasionally flicks across the engorged bundle of nerves.

 

She can feel it, deep inside of her, and somewhere closer to her heart, when Regina gets close. Her eyes open slightly and she’s practically whimpering Emma’s name now. Regina leans forward and for a brief moment Emma swears she can see the things she’s not supposed to see. See right beyond all of the pain and the hurt that made up their previous interactions, see a future she can not possibly have. And Emma wants to close her eyes, wants to undo the things she knows she no longer can’t. Instead, she kisses Regina again. Pours herself into it once more, allows it to consume her whole once more, before Regina wrenches her mouth away and bites down on her shoulder as she comes; spasming wildly around Emma’s still slowly moving fingers as she does.

 

A moment passes, in which Emma slowly goes numb as reality comes crashing back down on her. She removes her fingers and turns on her side, creating distance even as her mind goes in overdrive.

 

“Emma,” Regina whispers, but Emma isn’t listening. She’s thinking. She’s thinking and feeling and she can’t do both.

 

“I can’t..” she manages to mutter out. “I can’t, Regina. We shouldn’t have..”

 

She can feel some fingers on her chin, gently forcing it to the side, to face Regina and after a moment she relents. She doesn’t even bother hiding anything this time, she can’t, not with everything so unbearably raw right now. She knows what is in her eyes, sees it mirrored in Regina’s own. The way she feels so utterly devastated, the bone-deep sadness that seeps through everything.

 

She never meant for this to happen in the first place. To complicate everything so much when she was already so confused. To give Regina these slivers of hope, of even a possibility of a future together when she knew all along she’d never go through with it. Because what she sees in the other woman’s eyes scares her. Scares her like loving Neal used to do, scares her because Emma is so sure if she allows it to happen, she can’t go back again. And it could be great, and it could be everything she ever dreamed off it, and it could be the future she wants. Or it could all blow up in her face and rend her heart to pieces. Throw her back in this black hole she had once been cast in after Neal had betrayed her so completely and utterly. And she can’t...she just can’t.

 

Emma knows Regina can see it all shining in her eyes, etched across her features and her expression crumbles. Her fingers slide away from Emma’s chin and she moves to the far end of the bed, props herself up against the headboard, knees drawn towards her chest, arms wrapped around them protectively. She looks so much smaller like this, Emma thinks, even as she feels her eyes fill with tears she refuses to shed. More vulnerable than she’s ever seen her, more vulnerable even than when she was tumbling across the edge, open and spread in front of Emma and two fingers slid deeply inside of her as she rode it all out.

 

"You're just going to run again aren't you? Pretend this all means nothing. Pretend that the reason you end up here every single time means nothing."

 

“Regina..” Emma protests, even as she already rolls herself off of the bed and fumbles for something to wear. “I-I..” She puffs her cheeks and expels the air slowly as she turns to face Regina. “This doesn’t change anything, just because...” she trails off. “It just doesn’t prove anything.”

 

“Doesn’t it?” comes the quiet response. “Because every single time it has been you that starts it all, Emma. When you kissed me in the living-room downstairs the first time, when you sought me out at the bar the second time, when you approached me at parties after that. Like you did in the hallway just now too. So it proves something to me, it proves that you feel this too. This connection between us, this thing that keeps drawing us together.”

 

“All it proves,” Emma exclaimed, squaring her jaw as she pulled on a shirt, “is that that I can’t hold my liquor, have poor judgment and a penchant for screwing things up.”

 

“Then go,” Regina bit out, eyes hardening like steel as her expression changed into a blank mask. “Go on, run. But at least you were right about one thing Emma, this won’t happen again.”

 

“No I guess it really won’t..” Emma whispered brokenly as she left the bedroom hurriedly, left the house, left pieces of her heart behind with every step she took towards her car. Only when she sits down in the drivers seat, able to still smell Regina, feel her on her body as if she still had her arm curled around her waist the same way as when she woke up. Only then does she break down in tears.

  
  


* * *

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fingers crossed this works as a good overall solution to this 3-parter. I'll admit this gave me some headaches mid-way through, because the original ending and section mid-way didn't work out as well as I thought initially. So I had to do a few rewrites. This whole thing was supposed to be 3-4k at most, I just can't seem to help myself, can I? 
> 
> Anyhow thanks for the comments and support, and as usual all my thanks to my beta and buddy Antti.

  
  


* * *

 

 

 

...and time passes, slowly, then quickly, it doesn't happen again but she still remembers...

 

She knocks louder this time, but the results are the same as the other three times she tried. Only silence greets her, occasionally interrupted by her own frustrated little puffs of breath as she paces around frantically on the porch.

 

“Regina, I know you are in there! I swear, if you don’t open the door in the next five seconds I’ll shoot the damn lock out!”

 

This time it doesn’t even take five seconds, maybe three at most before the door slowly opens, cautiously but not quite fully. Just opening enough for Regina to appear partially in the doorway, a vexed expression on her face and lips pursed as she glares at Emma.

 

“I thought I made myself very clear before Miss Swan.”

 

“Yes well, I’m not there for that,” Emma says, slightly annoyed with the deeper meaning behind Regina’s words as she gives her a quick once-over.

 

Oh, there had been the occasional events they both attended and the time they spent together in Henry’s presence. But Emma’s gaze had always drifted, never staying in one place for more than a few seconds. Her eyes had turned away, like she wished she would be able to turn her thoughts away. Or stop her heart from beating quicker whenever they passed each other.

 

“Then what are you here for? Certainly you don’t look drunk enough for..”

 

“Regina!” Emma interrupts her, feeling beginnings of anger welling up again. “I’m not..look I don’t want to do this on the damned porch of all places, can we go inside?”

 

“What exactly for?” Regina questions, her lips curling up in disdain. “Because from what I recall,

you made it quite clear that I’m just another one of your mistakes, from which you like running away so much. So be a dear and go find someone else to scratch that itch of yours.”

 

For a moment, Emma just stares on in disbelief, gaping at the insults. At least until the door is about to be closed right in her face. A red haze descends across her vision and before she is even able to think clearly about what she is doing, one of her hands extends outwards, splaying fingers against the door. A wave of magic ripples outwards, slamming the door open against the wall and almost throwing it clear off of its hinges.

 

“Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?!” comes the angry response as Emma barges into the house.

 

"That's just the question isn't it? I don't fucking know Regina. I didn't know what I was doing before, and I still don't know what I'm doing right now. One thing I do know, is that if you really wanted me out of here you would've magically gotten rid of me by now, so I'm thinking on some level you want to hear what I have to say. Am I wrong?"

 

Regina just looks at her in a stunned disbelief, which gives Emma all the opening she needs.

 

“Regina..” she whispers, “please? I’m sorry.”

 

Because if nothing else, Emma knows that she at least owes Regina an apology. Though she also knows it doesn’t fix anything. And she deflates a little with that quiet realization.

 

“I had all these things thought up my head you know? All these excuses and apologies, perfectly smooth lines to explain everything, but the truth is..” She swallows and holds Regina’s gaze, staring deeply into the pair of brown eyes that are now so intently focused on her own. And she remembers the last time they did this. How Regina had stared into her eyes, as if searching for something and the devastated expression on her face when she couldn’t find it. Emma feels like an invisible band tightening itself around her chest with the memory, restricting her ability to breathe properly for a moment.

 

“The truth is, even with all these weeks to think, I’m still so lost on an explanation on what I’m feeling. I’m just so confused Regina. So damned confused. Ever since Neverland, ever since you told me all those things, the conversations we had, the way we grew closer, I’ve just been so confused. I kept thinking back about the mines, how you were so ready to sacrifice your life, how I couldn’t imagine at the time what it would be like without you there. And then you almost died trying to save my parents lives, it was like..someone ripped the very ground from underneath me.”

 

“Is this supposed to mean anything to me? You threw yourself back into the arms of your supposed true-love the moment you found out he was alive,” Regina says in an accusatory tone.

 

“I did no such thing!” Emma growls as she takes a step closer to Regina, effectively cornering her against the wall. “I thought he was dead, Regina! Jesus Christ,” she hisses and closes her eyes for a moment to rein in her anger a little. “When he fell into that portal, I told him I loved him because I thought that..I thought I’d never see him again. And he meant..he still means a lot to me yes. But when I found out he was alive, I didn’t feel that spark anymore that I did before. I didn’t feel..”

 

“Feel what Emma?!” Regina grits out between clenched teeth, her hands balled at her sides. “Because every single time I see you anywhere, you are always in his presence. You certainly look cozy enough as a couple,” she sneered.

 

“We’re not..” Emma shakes her head and stops herself before she can be tempted to keep their little game of back and forward going. Instead she calms herself, evens her breathing and implores the woman standing in front of her with her eyes for a proper chance to explain herself. She likes to think it worked when Regina’s eyes lose some of their fire and her expression softens a little.

 

“He..he asked me to try again, a while ago, after we...after..” she licks her suddenly dry lips, gaze stuck to a small crack on the floor. “I went on a date with him. And it was all, it was perfect you know? But it didn’t make me feel, like before. I just felt...lost, and when he tried to kiss me. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. All I could think of was the last time we kissed. All I could see was you, all I could feel was my heart aching in my chest, because of how much I continued to screw things up. I thought that..he would be the safe choice, but he’s not, he’s just..he’s the wrong choice.”

 

She lets out a bitter laugh at that sudden bit of clarity. It had just bubbled up to her, like something so long repressed finally lodged itself firmly into her brain and she couldn’t shake it no matter how she tried. A truth she could no longer deny.

 

Regina looks at her for a long moment and Emma can practically see how the wheels are spinning inside of her head. “I wish you would’ve talked to me like this before,” she finally says softly.

 

"Yeah because we talked so much during our encounters before? The only real conversation we had about any of it was when you had me trapped inside a freaking wall and I had no choice but to be confronted with all of this crap. Things I didn't know how to deal with. Do you know how all of it just scares the shit out of me?”

 

“So you decided to just tell me it all meant nothing, that I was just imagining things. You called what we did, what we were doing, poor judgment Emma. Do you have any idea...”

 

“Like you were being honest about everything?” Emma interrupts her as she takes another step forward, her face hovering mere inches away from Regina’s own. "When we talked in your mansion, you said that it was always me who instigated our encounters, but we both know that's not true, now is it?"

 

She watches as Regina’s eyes grow huge with a look of stunned surprise on her face and Emma quirks a tiny smile in response.

 

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” Regina says after a moment.

 

The blatant lie makes Emma’s smile grow a little. Because she’s pretty sure, especially from the way Regina’s eyes kept flicking to her lips, that Regina remembered what happened just as vividly as Emma did. She had thought it was a dream at first though. The way she remembered it, stumbling into that lamppost and how Regina had scolded her before running into one herself. And Emma had laughed while Regina had shot her this murderous glare while picking herself up from the ground.

 

“I think you do,” Emma whispers as she closes the remaining space between them. She looks into Regina’s eyes for a moment and feels her heart speeding up. Oh yes, she knows Regina remembers this too, from the way the heat rose to the other woman’s cheeks. Her hands move up to push her away Emma thinks, but the move is sloppy, too telegraphed and Emma grabs hold of both of them and pins them to the wall.

 

“Now who’s running?” Emma says as she transfers the wrists to one of her hands and cups Regina’s chin with the other one. She brushes their noses together, slowly, just like she remembers it. There’s an almost undeniable urge to close her eyes, to revel in the combination of the things she remembers and the reenactment of those very same memories right in this moment. But she keeps them open instead, enjoying the telltale signs of how she still affects the woman in front of her so much with just a few touches. The way her cheeks colour, the way those red lips opened just the slightest bit, the lust-blown pupils staring back at her.

 

“Emma..”

 

“You do remember this don’t you?” Emma says as she tilts her head and brushes her lips across Regina’s own. There’s a sharp intake of breath, but Regina’s eyes follow her every move, at least until their lips touch, they flutter shut slowly then and Emma can feel how Regina shudders in response.

 

It takes all of her willpower to not let this escalate this into a full blown make-out session against the wall. She has to keep reminding herself she didn’t come here for that, she wasn’t here for that, she did this to prove a point. That it had in fact been Regina herself that had opened the floodgates in the first place and now they were both drifting because of it. And for some reason, the only thing they kept drifting towards was each other.

 

She keeps the contact between their lips light, barely touching. Though she does bring out her tongue for a moment, slides it along the scar and Regina’s upper lip before she withdraws it again. She hears the stifled moan welling up from Regina’s throat in response and it makes her knees grow weak, her grip on Regina’s wrists slackening.  

 

Regina takes advantage of it by finally wrestling her hands loose. Immediately Emma can feel them wrap around her neck, bringing their lips firmer together and she can’t help the groan escaping her because of it.

 

“Regina..” she pants as she nips at Regina’s lips one last time before stumbling backwards, chest heaving like she had run for miles. “I might not remember much of what happened afterwards, but I do remember that,” she says moves one of her fingers to her swollen lips, rubs at them while looking right at Regina. “I remember how you splayed your fingers across my cheeks, how you looked at me like you only just saw me for the first time. You looked at me like you did at the mines...like you couldn’t believe I was really there, as if I wasn’t real. You looked at me like...”

 

“I was in love,” Regina finishes for her.

 

Emma can only stare in response, anything else she might’ve wanted to say, stuck in the back of her throat with that admission.

 

“I told you that. But you don’t remember,” Regina says, taking a single cautious step towards her. “You don’t remember what happened afterwards. You broke off the kiss then too. And you..you didn’t say a word, just stared at me and then we stumbled towards my house. But when you dropped me off you questioned me. You asked why I kissed you and that’s what I told you. Maybe it was because I drank too much Emma, maybe I would’ve never admitted it otherwise, maybe I would have forever held it in.”

 

Emma swallows thickly because suddenly she does remember, or at least she has flashbacks that makes her think she remembers. “But you did say it, didn’t you?”

 

“Yes,” comes the quiet response and Regina casts her eyes down towards the linked hands crossed protectively in front of her chest. “I told you that I was in love with you and it was the truth. And you didn’t respond, you just paced around. You said you needed time, time to figure it out.”

 

“I was leaving,” Emma chimes in as she furrows her brows together in concentration. Her eyes flicker towards Regina’s lips, still slightly wet and bruised from their kisses before and it sparks another memory. “And then I came back,” Emma says as she brushes her fingers across Regina’s cheeks before detouring them towards the set of ruby-red lips that tantalize her even now. She leans forward and Regina doesn’t even attempt to stop her this time.

 

The kiss is almost gentle, the touches fleeting before Emma slowly deepens the kiss. She slides the tip of her tongue across the seal of Regina’s lips, before she licks her way back inside Regina’s open mouth, swallowing the single moan that escaped. “I kissed you,” Emma mutters as she breaks away for a moment. “Like this. And you asked me what I was doing.”

 

“Yess,” Regina’s answer comes out all strangled, a sibilant hiss.

 

“If you asked me now, I’d say the same thing, Regina,” Emma says as she rests her forehead against the other woman’s, closing her eyes as she gathers her thoughts. “That I’m figuring things out. I’m still figuring things out and I thought that...maybe you could help me do so. Because I’ve never done anything else but run, it’s all I know how to do. But I’m here now, and I thought that..that it means something right?” she questions, unable to keep the uncertainty out of her voice.

 

“Maybe it does.” Regina steps away and turns around, leaving Emma at a loss of what to make of the dismissive gesture. “But it doesn’t suddenly erase what you did. You didn’t talk to me for weeks Emma, the way you just dismissed everything..it hurts, you have no idea how much it hurts.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Emma apologizes again, feeling the moisture gathering in her eyes without her consent. “I really am sorry. And I do know that a simple apology won’t cut it. Just like I know that our discussion just now didn’t solve anything. But I...I don’t know what else to do right now, what the hell are we even supposed to do right now?”

 

There’s no response for a long time and all Emma can do is fidget, her mind running a mile a minute with every possible outcome for what had just transpired. None of them prepared her for the sight of Regina finally turning around, a faint half-smile tugging the corners of her mouth upwards, eyes twinkling in amusement.

 

“You could take me on a date.”

 

“A..uhm..” Emma sputters, her jaw dropping open in complete surprise. “What? A date what?”

 

“I assume you do know what a date is dear?”

 

“Yeah but..” Emma can’t even wrap her mind around what Regina is proposing right now. A date? How the hell did a date solve..

 

“But why? Because I’ve come to realize that nothing either of us does or says will suddenly magically fix any of this Emma. So yes a date.”

 

“I..but isn’t that..kind of..backwards?” Emma questioned incredulously, even as some hope bloomed in her chest that they could reach a proper solution to this entire mess. “Considering I’ve already seen you naked and all. Many times even,” she said, raising a single eyebrow and licking her lips as if to prove a point. “And we’ve done things that would normally have taken a great deal of dates beforehand. I don’t understand how..” and then she trails off, because suddenly, she gets it. “You want to try and start over, don’t you?”

 

Regina’s telling smile is all the answer she needs to prove her theory correct. “Yes, very observant of you dear.” Then she sobers up a little, eyes softening as they flicker across Emma’s features. “Don’t do this again Emma. Please promise me, that whatever happens, we talk about it or find a solution together. But don’t ever do this again. I could not take another month like the one I just went though.”

 

Emma leans forward forward wordlessly, fingers brushing the few stray tears away from Regina’s cheeks. “I can’t promise you I won’t screw up somewhere along the way,” she says as she takes one of Regina’s hands in her own and laces their fingers together.

 

“Then don’t, just don’t run away again like that,” Regina says as she squeezes Emma’s hand. “Besides I did figure you would screw-up along the way, it just means I can think up a lot of different ways in which you can make it up to me.”

 

Emma rolls her eyes in response. “Off course,” she chuckles lightly. She lets go of Regina’s hand and sighs. “I uhm..I guess I should go now though right? Maybe we can discuss the details of the dinner over the phone?” She walks towards the doorway, eyeing the sorry state of the door that would probably not close again normally until it was fixed and cringes a little at the damage she had unwittingly done. “Uhm, I’m sorry about the door,” she shrugs sheepishly.

 

“Emma, wait,” Regina says as she puts a hand on Emma’s arms and tugs her back into the house.

 

“What’s...” Emma finds the rest of her words swallowed whole by an eager tongue slipping into her mouth and her mind goes gloriously blank for a moment. It takes her a few good long seconds in between the barrage of kisses before she is able to find a coherent response, even as Regina is steering them towards the stairs. “What..where are we going?”

 

“Where do you think dear?”

“But...I thought that..” Emma gasps as she feels teeth tug on her earlobe.

 

“I don’t see why we can’t mix business with pleasure, do you? I assure you, the bedroom is a perfectly fine place to discuss the more...intimate details of the coming date,” Regina whispers silkily into her ear, making Emma shiver in response. “Unless of course, you’d like to go home instead...”

 

“What? No!” Emma exclaims as she moves to kiss Regina again and they slowly stumble towards the general direction of the bedroom.

 

And later. Much later. She wakes up and realizes...this isn’t her bedroom. And there is someone lying next to her and Emma can feel an arm wrapped around her waist. Smiling, she goes back to sleep.

  
  


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